Let us be honest. No man looks across the room and says to himself: “What a mind on that woman!”
A woman’s physical attributes are the first thing he sees. Bosom, bottom, legs and face are what catch his eye.
If they are nice and shapely, then he can’t help enjoying all that eye candy.
Physical attraction is what drives men to date and try to have sex with women. But having sex does not amount to forming a relationship.
You may be having the most mind-blowing sex ever. You may be having a great time flirting, dancing, chatting, and occasionally going out for drinks and dinner.
All seems to be going well. Never have you experienced such wondrous sensations.
It doesn’t follow, however, that what you feel will lead to a serious relationship.
Freedom from pressure is one of the biggest advantages of modern day hook-up culture. Two individuals who like each other can get together whenever it suits them without expecting the relationship to “go somewhere”.
The downside to this well-intentioned licentiousness is that it has little effect on the natural yearnings of the heart.
After a while, you may discover that you want to do more than just hook-up; that you want him to see more in you than just the physical.
But how can you achieve this without breaking “the rules”?
Fortunately, he is as susceptible as you are to the affections that bring people together.
Most guys may not admit it, but the fact is we are as much on the prowl for a partner as women are. We show it and go about it differently.
If it is your desire to go from a hook-up relationship to a serious partnership, then the first thing to know is that only your non-physical attributes will move you towards this goal.
You cannot pressure your way into becoming his girlfriend. You must display and emphasize attitudes and behaviors that will make him see you as more than a girl who he hangs out with.
Here are 7 non-physical things guys look for in a potential partner:
1. Respect
Respect has nothing to do with worshiping or idolizing your man.
It is more about the little things. He wants to see that you appreciate him.
You can do this with your words, looks, time and attention. When he walks through the door or up to your table, stop whatever you’re doing, stand up and greet him.
Do this no matter what you’re working on or who you’re texting or speaking to.
2. Kindness
The world is an awfully cold place. And people—especially Gen-Yers—tend to be cynical and snarky—reducing everything to a punch line or a joke.
Some of this is a healthy way of coping with the uncertainty and harsh realities of our troubled time.
But if you want to stand out from the crowd, and especially from every other girl he knows, then make it your habit to show him simple, thoughtful kindnesses.
Making his favorite food, buying him his favorite sweets, even cuddling up next to him for a little while without speaking or pressing him to go somewhere—any of these will show him that you are a nice and loving person.
3. Joy
Men in relationships look forward to a bit of joyfulness and mirth when they meet their partners.
In some cases, it’s the only thing that gets them through the day. Resist the urge to constantly complain when you’re around your man.
A swapping of stories about your respective jobs is inevitable. But you should not begin and carry through every date with a litany of disappointments.
Be his sanctuary for a while.
Listen to him without giving advice. And do what you can to cheer him up and lighten his mood.
4. Tolerance
The two of you are different people. In certain matters, you will want things done one way and he will want them done in another.
It is fine to disagree. You must, however, be tolerant.
You cannot expect to have it all your own way all the time. Most women do not intend to nag.
It results, I think, from not knowing when to let certain things go. One of the best ways of showing him that you’re girlfriend material is being tolerant of his little foibles and shortcomings.
He is as imperfect as you are. Don’t try to change the unchangeable.
5. Self-fulfillment
A needy woman will not cut it. If you are looking for someone to complete you, then your mission is likely to fail.
A relationship is not two halves but two wholes coming together.
Show him that you are a confident, independent woman who is open to sharing her life with someone.
6. Trustworthiness
Men like women they believe they can depend on. It is a very different world from the one our parents grew up in.
Few men can expect to hold the same job, with an annual salary increase, their entire lives. You must show that you will be there for him when times get tough.
Indeed, since 2008 there has been a significant increase in the number of homes holding multiple generations of families.
There has also been a sharp uptick in freelancers and entrepreneurs—most of whom are forced to live a lean financial life.
If the man you’re after is in such situations, you must show him that you’re willing to stick by him come what may.
7. Reserve
It isn’t necessary to share every thought that flits through your mind. Men appreciate a bit of mystery in women.
More importantly, it is important for you to maintain some semblance of dignity. There is such a thing as telling him too much about yourself and what you may be going through.
You should neither be a Chatty Cathy nor a Secretive Susan. A calm, intelligent dignity and reserve are all that is necessary to get and keep him interested.
Once you get started putting these relationship habits in action, his attraction for you will go beyond physical. He’ll start to think of you as partner material, and not just someone to have a good time with between the sheets.